soul pudding
by shadowadminanny
Summary: post war and things have happened, walter has a plan, integra is annoyed and sears is posibly insane, im not good at summaries
1. Chapter 1

Soul pudding

By anny.

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Disclaimer: I have no rights, … to hellsing that is, or rocky horror or any other infringement that I have made in this fic,

Rated for "mild themes" lol no actually more like horror or occult, but its MILD.

Random short but, what's with video ratings these days?, I once found a movie rated PG for MILD themes, what is that? Horror themes and adult themes I understand but MILD?

And how is it that violence and swearing are allowed to be put in PG films now?

I remember a time where the "F" word combined with violence MA 15 +

Ok I'm done now, enjoy or be mortified its up to you!

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After the war the folks at the hellsing estate found themselves with very little to do.

Integra spent most of her time doing paper work, Alucard went in to a sort of hibernation most of the time and sears, well that was something different.

Ant one who didn't know any better would have thought that she had developed some sort of multi-persona disorder, but this was not the case at all even thou it seamed like it.

Pip was still alive… … … in a manner of speaking, his soul was still trapped inside of sears's body.

And was as awake as ever.

"I wonder what ze others are up to?"

"what… who!?"

"ze other wild geese what are you comrades up to?"

"… … there dead… remember?"

"oh …right ….from ze war!"

Sears didn't realize that she had started to talk out loud with Pip, normaly there conversations were telepathic, internal but since no one was ever around when thay talked she let it be 'normal' voiced conversations. At that point Walter passed by. "who are you talking to Miss Victoria?" he asked.

"uhh… no one!" came her rather snappy reply, Walter raised an eye brow and gave her a suspicious look before moving on. Sears chuckled nervously before letting out a deep sigh.

"that was a close call maranugiet"

"shut up you!"

Sears growled and punched her self in the gut "owe my liver!" and with that she fell to the ground in pain.

**Meanwhile**

Walter was talking to Integra " I don't think there taking it too well" she said between drags on her cigar.

"what ever do you mean my lady?" Walter spoke as he poured more tea. "Alucard and the police girl, they've been acting rather strangely" . "how do you mean?" Walter was not sure what direction this was going. " Alucard seams depressed and sears, well she's been acting more strangely than usual". Integra took a long draw of her cigar. "I think you might be right Madame, I don't know about Alucard but I've caught miss Victoria doing things out of character, and ive even seen her talking to her self!".

Integra raised an eye brow " to her self" she repeated. " yes and not just one side of a conversation but she answers her self out aloud too!". Integra looked intrigued "my ,my , my this is serious now isn't it, dose Alucard know that his poppet is insane?" . "I'd imagine so" Integra made the 'hmmm' face for a bit

"what ever shall we do with them?"

"take them out to the back paddock and shoot them"

They laughed for a bit.


	2. chappy 2

chap 2 a slight problem

**Back in the dungeons **

Alucard was laying on his bed looking at the ceiling and trying to see just how far into his past that he could remember. He managed to get as far as when Abraham Hellsing first captured him before he got a mental block. It annoyed him that he couldn't remember thither back than that, he put it down to the control art restrictors thing, but still he tried to go back thither until his thoughts were interrupted by sears talking in the next room. He decided to investigate as it was at least something to do. He snuck into her room and listened for a bit before making his presents known.

" thanks a lot now Walter thinks I'm crazy!" she growled as she punched her self in the gut again and winched in pain. Her voice changed as Pip answered " stop hitting your self, its going to do any good! Besides I'm in your head not your stomached!". the voice changed back to Sears "I know that, just … gurrr!, cant you please stop talking to me". back to Pip "you know I cant do zat I am inside of you, it would be impossible for me to leave" at this point Alucard steps out of the shadows. He smirked and jokingly stated " so Walter tells me your going off the deep end, eh police girl " Sears was not impressed by this "master … how … how long have you been there?" she questioned gritting her teeth. " long enough to know just what the hells going on in hear" Sears looked worried " you know … I was originally going to tell you to shut the hell up… … … but this is far more interesting" a sadistic grin spread across his face. " so Pip… … warm in there?"

Alucard said in a perverted and suggestive manner. " your sick master!" Sears pouted highly offended.

Alucard just laughed his maniacal laugh Sears and Pip (on the inside) gave him the evil death leer.

He stopped laughing and became very serious, after hearing the full story and thinking for a moment he looked Sears/Pip in the eyes and told them what would happen. " this is an unusual set of circumstances but it appears that Pip, exists still as a completely separate persona within you police girl, its unusual because normally when you eat someone's soul usually you only take in the useful parts, there memories and experiences … BUT some how you've managed to take in ALL of his soul." Alucard looked very annoyed at this Sears hunched in fear as Alucard continued. "HOWEVER, the longer Pip stays in your mind the more likely he will merge with you, his memories will become yours, and in time he will no longer exist as a separate entity , he will be little more than a distant memory".

Sears reacted to this by screaming out a very dramatic "nooo!" . this confused, offended and intrigued Alucard. " oh man you mean say zat I will just fade away into her memories?" Pip said sounding very concerned " more or less" Alucard spoke calmly. " HOWEVER, … there is still a good chance that we can erm, extract your soul and transplant it in to a new body" Sears and Pip look hopeful and horrified at the same time. Hopeful that Pip would be given a new body, and mortified that what Alucard was suggesting to obtain one would involve something horrific for some poor unknowing street person.

Alucard was pleased with his plan it was ingenious and had the added bonus of being occult in nature

But before all that they would have to run it by Integra, she would find out about this sooner or later and for Alucard's sake its was better to be sooner or she might get mad and inflict some cruel and unusual punishment on him. And knowing his luck it would truly be something cruel, like having to wear a dress.

He shuddered at the thought .

So off they went to inform Integra of what was going on post war. Sears became very nervous as they approached Integra's office. Inside Integra sat at her massive desk in the typical Monty burns pose. Sears/Pip looked anxious and Alucard was completely casual about the situation. Walter was also present.

There was a long silence before Integra finally spoke "…so… you… have Pip… … inside of you" Integra said with a raised eyebrow you could tell form the look on her face that she was laughing on the inside. Alucard nodded, he to was laughing at the wording no matter how you said it, it sounded so sus.

Sears replied meekly " yes sir Hellsing sir"

"indeed this is a problem , a very interesting problem,… … and you want to hive him a new body?" Integra was having difficulties grasping the situation. " we would have to find one close to his original one." Alucard added, " how will we manage to do that?!" Integra began to think along the lines of raiding a

Mouarge or some thing like that. "it has to be FREASH" Alucard director to Integra who frowned at being corrected " next you'll be telling be that the cause of death cant be anything extreme or obvious like gun wounds" she stated in a 'manner of fact way'. Alucard scoffed at her "well yeah that's a no brainier!"

"I elect that we take some poor shmuck off of the streets and bring him back hear to perform the operation on" Walter said in a disturbing under tone. Everyone gave him an odd look "I'm only saying" came his defense. "I think that Walters idea is the best we should do that" Alucard said coolly "yeah you WOULD think that" Integra commented slightly annoyed . " well ok, but I don't want to be put into some street bum!" pouted Pip, "ok so its decided we will er. Apprehend a suitable victo-I mean body for Pip from the inspecting masses" Integra was trying hard to sound official. " we will have to research some suitable candidates" Walter added " in the mean time you will just have to sit tight in there Pip". "this wont take too long vill it?" Pip was a little concerned. " no not at all, not …at ..all" gloated Alucard.

Over the next few days Walter looked into finding a suitable individual from the masses to abduct for the occult ritual that Alucard was preparing, he seamed to be enjoying the endeavor, Integra no the other hand was dreading it if they weren't careful they would hit with a law suite or some scotch thing and that meant a mountain of paper work. Sears on the other hand was having problems of her own. Shearing a body with Pip was beginning to try her penitence, Walter had better hurry up and find a body for both there sakes.


	3. Chapter 3

chap 3 uneasy rest

**In dream time **

Every thing is extremely happy and poorly drawn. Sears is skipping along happily picking flowers and singing a childish tune. Then Pip appears with a guitar and starts to play "oh I wish I was a cowboy, and you could be my cowgirl". "AHHHH!, get out of my dreams you!!" Sears screamed and through the basket of flowers at him, it landed a hit and left a big lump on his forehead. "owe why'd ya have to be soo mean!" he pouted now for some strange resin he was in a bare suite. "this is my privet dream so you get out of it go on shoo!!" . "I'm sorry Pip had tears streaming down his face as the scenery changed to look something of a chapel "wahh I thought that we could open up to each other , and besides all that its not like on the out side peering in on your dream like some sort of dream pervert, no I'm hear on the inside, next to you" and he cried even harder. "it's ok I… … I didn't mean it like that" she said in a comforting way, a sparkle appeared in his eyes " oh Sears …I .. I love you!" . " I love you too Pip" as they were hugging harkonnen appeared before them Sears scrawled what do you want!" upon seeing harkonnen Pip had a mini freak out and ran around screaming and failing has arms about wildly. " oh don't be like that I only wanted to help you" harkonnen floated about creepily for a bit before Sears drop-kicked him.

When Pip finally clamed down he was standing beside Sears, everyone's cloths had magically changed too. Pip was wearing a tux Sears was in a frilly white dress and harkonnen was wearing the outfit of a priest.

" I now pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride!" harkonnen voice seamed to echo throughout the place. Pip went to kiss Sears in slow-mo/close up style (for drama) but she freaked out and punched him in the face then she woke up screaming.

**Still in dream time.**

Pip had sustained a bloody nose, a black eye and a lump on the head all from that one hit.

He sat with his chin resting on his knuckles pined "love hurts" and with that the dream ended.

Sears sat up in her coffin/bed flushed and sweaty " the sooner we can find you a body the better" she muttered under her breath.

She wondered about the dungeons for a bit until she came to one of the old laboratories where she found Alucard putting the finishing touches on a strange and menacing apparatus.

It looked some what similar to a device that you might expect to find in frankienstines castle .

Alucard stepped back to admire his creation "impressive isn't it" he stated placing his hands on his hips. Sears smiled nervously " yeah… master ..umm … what exactly IS it?" Alucard looked a little disappointed "this thing.. This wonderful contraption,. Is.. The device that will allow us to perform the 'operation'" he paused for dramatic effect, Sears tilted her head at the ting then looked to her master " it looks like it will hurt… … … a lot!" he grinned " yeah it dose , doesn't it" ."now all that we need to do obtain some meat bag to put your boyfriend's soul into" there was obvious spite in his voice. "kaw!, its not like that master" Sears pleaded but he ignored her "lets see if Walter has found one yet!"


	4. Chapter 4

chap 4 the perfect crime 

**In a shady and suspicious car **

Walter hands Alucard and Sears/Pip what looks like a case file folder thing.

"this is your target, mr.mcdoogle, age 26, place of origin Europe, occupation waiter, currently he is finishing his studies as a chief" Walter sounded confidant until he was interrupted by Pip "excuse me Walter but if he is a chief than why is he employed was a waiter?" Walter became annoyed "if you'd let me finish!, this particular restaurant is short staffed, any ways mr.mcdoogle is a perfect candidate because as a foreigner he has no contacts hear" he was intruded again, this time by Alucard " with a name like that im not surprised … L O L doogle!" Walter gave Alucard the death leer. " going on. As mr.mcdoogle has no contacts no one will miss him!". " you can certainty pick them Walter, so what's out plan of attack?" Pip asked in a chirpy tone. " ahh that's the best part as you see mr.mcdoogle finishes his shift in approximately 4 mins" Walter smiled and pointed to a dindgie looking building . " so what is this a snatch and run? Walter you just don't put that much effort into these things anymore" huffed Alucard from the back seat. "this is ridicules!, and I don't see why you felt the need to drag me along with this, isn't the less I know the better for you?! Grumbled Integra from the front passenger side . Walter rolled the car closer to the restaurants back door where there victim would soon emerge. 

The door opened and mcdoogle left the building, Walter called him over and asked for the time, as he was checking his watch Sears grabbed him and pulled him into the car as Walter drove off. "who are you people?" he managed to sputter out finally. Sears told him in a creepy flight attendant manner that he had been selected for an experimental procedure and that every thing was going to be ok she hen put a blind fold on him and said that it was all part of the experiment . He complied and didn't ask any thither questions, they soon arrived back at the hellsing estate all in all that part of the plan went exceptionally well . There was just one more thing would Alucard's monstrosity against god actually work as well as he claimed it would .

**Down in the dungeons**

Alucard had put on a white lab coat, under that he was wearing the typical green surgeons uniform he was also wearing a hair net and pink rubber gloves. Integra gave him an odd look and pointed Alucard was confused before Integra final said managing to hold back her laughter " you look like frank'enfurter" Alucard still did not quite understand what his master was on about, until she started to sing 'sweet transvestite' very badly. He growled at her " ok ..magenta!, but this is serious time!". Sears/Pip and that other guy were in place as Alucard powered up the device it whirred and hummed and started to shake a little. Alucard pointed to Walter " turn up the sonic oscillator three more points!"

"I'm sorry the what?"" the red knob, turn the red fricken knob!"

"oh , right you are" Walter turned the knob, witch increased the power to the thingy, suddenly it got very noisy the whole thing started to shake violently as sparks started to fly off of it. Sears screamed and hollered in pain, but mostly in fear as the pain educed by the machine was about the same as what you would experience if you were to lick a 9V battery on the end that the wires attach to . Alucard smirked "its working!" . 

" Alucard, what happens to the soul of that guy who is going to be pips host?" queried Integra 

Alucard produced an extra large slurpy cup " simple I drink it!" and he placed the cup under a small tap on the machine. Integra looked confused so Alucard explained to her how the whole process worked . Basically what was happening was on the end that the guy was in his soul was being extracted and the easiest way to do that was to scramble it up into a pine paste it was then sucked out and ended up in the slurpy cup. At the same time Pip's soul was less forcefully removed from Sears and then transferred into the now vacant body . Integra questioned whether or not the thing had been tested Alucard frowned and simply stated that it couldn't be tested because you would need a soul with bout a body to test it on. 

" thissss issss not riiiight" came the distort screams of Sears the cup slowly filled up with a fluorescent blue jelly like substance as Pip was transferred to the new body the machine pinged and then shut down as the last bit of blue plopped into the cup. Sears groaned "is it over" Pip was touching his index fingers to his nose and happily sand out "oh my good it actually worked!"

"yes I am some sort of genius" Alucard said proudly and took a big swig of the puréed soul/

Sears sight with relief " I'm me again, all me and only me" Pip proceeded to do a happy jig and run about like a child on a sugar rush, he ran over to Alucard and gave him a big bare hug Alucard grunted in disapproval "get your filthy self off of me!" Pip quickly snapped back into reality and unhanded Alucard , he paused for a moment before asking " I wonder will I look like zis poor fool forever?"

"no… within time that body will change to suite your personality, if you've been a relatively honest person it will change to look like you did before any of this ever happened" Pip's eyes light up and he pranced away " what a pansy" Alucard scoffed 

" that's highly unlike you to be so charitable" came the voice of his master 

" oh I intend to get some manner of payment for this service" Alucard continued to drink his unholy slurpy 

" I wonder if I could use this thing to fuse a pigeon with a cat"

Integra gave him an odd look " trust you to come up with a twisted idea like that!" she laughed and left the room.

End … of sorts 

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THE AFTER WORD a.k.a authors notes 

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This has been a random idea, I think it went well, 

For those who haven read the manga Pip is French, I tried to type the accent hence the ze's zats and vills also some French words are included but I cant spell them. Its also post the events of the manga, Sears gains spooky powers from eating Pip and they win the war … yay, but there no closure. I thought there's an opening/ plot hole there for a fic!. 

Its funny right tell me that its funny?


End file.
